I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
