turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
