I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
