so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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