a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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