i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
