Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
