marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
