i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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