this beer tastes like vomit already
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
