Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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