the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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