I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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