Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
