I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
