Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
