no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
