the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
