If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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