I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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