Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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