my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
