and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
