You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
