i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
