It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
