Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
