I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
