Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
