I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
