...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
