dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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