watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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