Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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