i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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