He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
