ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
