my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
