did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Who died my cat blue again?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
