i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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