apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
