She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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