if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
