did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
