We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
