You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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