well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
