Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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