he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
