Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
